Narrative Therapy? Narrative Arc! Long Grief. Satisfaction.

Q: Is this person smiling under her mask? A: Very gently.

[Not a riddle.] How do you know when your relationship really, really matters?

[Answer.] You’ll know after it’s over.

Telling the story of a partner’s death is a necessity for a while. For me, it helped make sense of the drastic changes in my life, the rainstorm of sorrow, and the questions that pop up. Like, did I do everything I could? From the person that I am, that is?

A year and a half after Dave’s death, which was expected but no less tragic, I found myself stuck on a very big decision that only I could make. Sell the big wonderful house where we’d spent most of our married time, in order to move into something small and more affordable? Or do everything else possible to hold onto it, from renting out the garage to hosting an air b’n’b to endless garage sales and round-the-clock work schedules?

Each option involved pain. Neither guaranteed relief from grieving, either.

When I realized I was “deciding” twice a day, frantically flipping from one choice to another — and I am a person who usually has no problem making decisions — I searched online for a counselor who could pitch in. It was the first autumn of Covid, which for me yielded a very specific blessing: therapy via Zoom meetings. No commute time wasted, no problems with road…